It’s Gods way……

OMG this is a soddingmadhouse. we no longer have a burglar alarm. not that we ever used it, mind you–but it was there…
yesterday, I decided to tidy out the understairs cupboard–I know, don’t faint–and on seeing what I thought was a bundle of loose wire, I gave it a hefty yank. Yes folks–it was the burglar alarm…eeewawwwweeawww..
Fortunately just the inside alarm, but it was bad enough to send the cat into overdrive..must have been the frequency or something. Also–since I never –ever–use the thing, I had forgotten the reset code..duh…
So after a lot of trying and Jack standing by my side shouting ‘turn the bloody thing off, for god’s sake’, I decided to cut the wire. or rather to get Jack to cut it. I got a broom to knock him off the wire in case he got a shock. Soooo–he cut the wire and…………………………………………………………….

..nothing happened…eeeeeawwwwwweeeawwwwww. So after a minute’s deliberation we decided to cut the mains wire with insulated cutters. Holding our breath he cut….the box fell to the floor..andddd……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
………nothing happened…eeeawwwwweeeeawwww. we looked atthe screaming box on the floor and–panicked. what if it never turns off?..what were we to do? well, by this time I was walking in circles (it was sunday–no electricians apart from ones which charge a million pounds an hour) I looked at jack and said desperately-‘-I’ll go and run the bath–we’ll drown the sod!’
Halfway up the stairs-taken at a run-he shouted–‘wait wait–what if theres a power source inside–it will electrify the bathwater and what will we do then?’ (he’s never been good at science and looking back, what did we think was in there anyway-a miniature powerstation or something?)
So we stopped dead on the stairs and pondered–‘get it in the garden –we’ll bury it!’ (that was my suggestion-I’m not proud of it) ‘It’s raining, no way’ says Jack. ‘get it into my room I’ll beat it to death’ Honestly I’m not kidding this is an exact statement of what happened-it amazes me too.
So we ran into his room….eeeawwwwwweeeawwwww………and he beat it with a golf club until it died. We sighed with relief and he pulled the golf club out of the thing’s guts and…EEEAWWWWWEEAWWWW..it started again. ‘theres a switch inside’ he yelled, frantically fishing around with the golf club. After much fishing, he managed to trip the switch and –blessed silence. It’s still on his floor. neither of us can bring ourselves to touch the thing. we are exhausted still. I think it’s god’s way of telling me I shouldn’t tidy up.

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~ by entropycottage on June 16, 2007.

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